How I came to be the mother I am

A vent/rant/statement on parenting and being parented and how it can shape us.


Work in progress

I’m currently working on starting a website to mirror my blog.  It’s a work in progress but if any of you lovelies would like to check it out, go here:  

Eventually, I’ll just post the link here to go to my site once I’m done getting it the way I want. Hopefully it won’t cause confusion.


I have been jonesing to get on here all day, but I’m stuck at work so I don’t have much time.  Today is so gorgeous out I wish I could be sitting on my pool deck in the sunshine with a laptop, just writing.  That’s it.  I suddenly feel as though something in me has woken from a long sleep.  Forced there by real life.  And now it’s blooming and all I want to do is write, write, write.  But alas, for now, I need to get back to my soul sucking job.

Random Musings (not part of the story)

Ever have one of those days or lives where it seems things will never be easy?  That the universe just continually throws shit in your way that you have to navigate around?  I know that life in general is not all pretty pink unicorns and rainbows, but damnit!  I would love to have a break.  Normally I am an optimistic person, doing my best to find something good when things go wrong instead of taking the easier course of focusing on the negative.  The last 6 to 8 months has been putting a huge strain on my ability to remain positive.  I’m tired of everything being so hard.  I am tired of being the one to give constantly, my time, my affection, my self.  For once in my life I would like someone to give to me without me looking for it or asking for it.  Whatever it might be.  I’m tired of being the sane one, the calm one, the rock.  Could someone else do it for me for a change and let me have my own little break down?  Cause I really could use one right about now.  But I can’t and I won’t.  I have to be strong and responsible and keep going no matter what shit life throws at me.  It just sucks.


Recently I was searching the net for some good, free erotic stories, preferably featuring gay or bisexual men.  By accident I came across some YouTube videos of a German soap opera called Verbotene Liebe (Forbidden Love).  The videos I watched start in 2006 or 2007 and focus on Christian and Oliver. Their story line is the main one throughout the show for a good number of years.  They fall in love, break up, get back together, get married, get divorced, get married again, etc, etc….  Normally I don’t watch soap operas, have no patience for them, but this one is different.  The writing is well done, the acting, especially that of Thore Scholermann (Christian) and Jo Weil (Oliver aka Olli), is superb.  The emotions that they are able to evoke is amazing.  Watching their story unfold is heart wrenching.  My heart hurts for these characters.  It is a very rare thing for me to get caught up in a character or characters lives on TV but what snippets I catch of this show online have done me in.  I’ve been inspired and have started to write, which is something I don’t do often, only when I’m in a bad head space and that has not happened in a long while.  So long, in fact, that I had stopped thinking about writing, figuring what good would I be if I can’t pull a story out of myself without being sad or blue or angry?  I’ll probably post small parts of my story here as I go along.  I’m not ready to share it with folks I know, but maybe, if other fans of this show come across my writings, that may not be such a bad thing…